Last Spot
by SeaStormOpal
Summary: Humanstuck Karezi AU, no sexual content. Strong language. Inspired by the "AUs for when your OTP are both assholes" fanfiction prompts Tumblr post. Constructive criticism is highly appreciated. Also, if there is any improper grammar, please inform me so I may correct it.


Karkat was headed to the grocery store, which he does on a regular basis. Generally once every couple weeks, on Saturdays, when he'd pick up necessities, along with the odd clearance sale rom-com. And, of course, there was Lizard Girl.

He didn't know her name. He just knew that she loved lizards. Every Saturday, she would buy food and chalk and rope, the last two being used for unknown purposes. He nicknamed her "Lizard Girl" because every time she went in, she wore a big fluffy coat that looked like a reptile. Karkat could hardly see her face, but the few glances he did get allowed him to observe that she was almost always smiling, bearing the shit-eating grin worn by a spot stealer. She always managed to park her massive car in the spot he was just about to park in.

Karkat knew today was going to be different. He was going to swoop into that spot like the ghosts of Hell were nipping at his heels, making sure that smug little bitch didn't get it before him. And if by some miracle she did, God help us all.

He approached the center that the store was in and hit the gas, trying to go as quickly as he could without accidentally killing some poor pedestrian. But, to his horror, Lizard Girl was already there, car slowly moving through the parking lot, waiting until he was here to take the last spot.

"Not today, bitch!" He said as loudly as he could without anyone from the outside hearing him (which was difficult for Karkat, considering his default setting was "scream").

He hit the gas harder after making sure no one was walking between that parking spot. Then, just as he was about to go in, Lizard Girl parked her massive car into the space.

Karkat let out a cry of frustration. He got out of the car and marched up to her, with the intention of letting her know how he felt. Lizard Girl turned in his direction and pulled down the hood to her jacket.

"Fuck."

This girl was prettier than he expected. He was wondering what people would think if he just walked up and talked to her like that. Would they think he was an asshole? Would they think they were dating?

Lizard Girl laughed. She walked right up to him, as if knowing hehad the intention of talking to her. Karkat was intimidated- she may have been pretty, but she certainly didn't have the voice of an angel. It was more like "ax-crazy serial killer who crawled their way out of the depths of Hell". She appeared to recognize this, and grinned.

"I've been waiting for you!" She said. She had a voice almost as loud as Karkat's- but thankfully, she sounded much more human when speaking.

"Yes, I would like to talk to you! You have been stealing my spot for months! Now, I'll have you know that I have a lawyer and I will make a lawsuit and I am defnitely not afraid of getting in contact with him! Now, if you would like that not to be the case, I suggest you allow me to get to my rightful place, in this parking space, right here, right now!"

Lizard Girl began laughing, that cackle that disturbed Karkat so much. He wondered if this was intentional, or if she simply naturally had the laugh of the Wicked Witch of the West. The laughing continued on for a couple minutes, and Karkat began to question her sanity. Finally, she spoke.

"Oh my God. Your car is like, twenty years old! Do you live in that thing? You look like you could barely afford a piece of bread, much afford a lawyer. Besides, I study law. You can't sue me for taking your spot in a parking lot."

Karkat blushed. He admired this girl's bravery, but he wasn't sure if it was the best idea to get into an argument in public. He noticed that he had gotten a few stares. "Just… fuck you." He mumbled, lacking a better response.

A honk came from a car behind them. Someone had gotten fed up with Karkat's impractical choice in parking the car. He turned around and made a few hand gestures to express his feelings on said honk. He then turned back to Lizard Girl.

"Hah, yeah, fuck me." She said, giggling.


End file.
